I’m reminded of a pokemon while trying to understand my new place in life right now in this transition from losing my wife. This “new normal” that I’ve talked about and mentioned several times is real. Pokemon can start out in one form and can grow into a different form of themselves with different abilities and powers. Not that I’ll acquire powers mind you, but some sort of metamorphosis, in a mental sense. Maybe a closer relationship with God and getting to know Him in a much deeper sense and understanding. A changing in direction. A new identity. Into what I’m not so sure. I know my perspective, has changed. I’ve also renewed my interest in writing from my creative writing class in college. One of the first pieces I ever wrote then was about when I worked on the Tennessee-Missouri Bridge including all the smells and senses making it come to life. Now it’s journaling a time in my life with a sprinkle of encouragement. I’ve had a conversation with a few folks, describing how I know without a doubt that God is gonna use this transition. You don’t become broken and walk through a dark valley and sit in ashes and come out not changed. Not with a deep relationship with the Father anyway. Just as Nehemiah, I will pray also that the gracious hand of my God will be on me as I continue moving forward.

This new identity, as discussed in our grief meetings last night, is something I’m already taking on in this transition. Becoming the new team mate for Katie that she and Mary shared, is a blessing. We fist bump, and high five and proclaim that we make a great team. Where my wife Mary was, I am now. The household duties she once had, I now have. I know this is a common thing among those who have lost a spouse. It’s nothing new. I’m bringing it to light because it’s new to me and maybe it’s helpful for someone else. I’ve become a single parent suddenly. So taking these new responsibilities, along with how God chooses to mould or guide me, will be interesting, challenging, curious, and at times I’m sure fearful. Great things can come from surrendering to the Father, and as my sister in Christ said, “allowing him to lead our steps.”

It’s only been five months since Mary died. It seems much longer. There are still bumps in the road as I continue to walk “through” this valley. My group, and others call them “ambushes”. Those unexpected shots fired from a triggering moment. I hear from others that they never leave. Now I continue to step on, one step at a time. Missing everything about her. God is using this time in my life for the good. Our God is sovereign. God has blessed Katie and me. He has blessed all my family. I will keep on walking this narrow path watching and waiting each day as he leads. I hope and pray that you trust in the Father’s care. Regardless of what comes your way, we have freewill and choices. I hope you choose life. Jesus went to the cross and died, being resurrected three days later, setting us free from the chains of sin. No matter where you are in life or the troubles you may be encountering. Simple problems or serious problems, Jesus cares. He takes you serious when no one else will. Follow Him for some real change and Hope. God Bless.