Here, I just wanted to get back into the habit of writing. It’s been a while and I’ve missed it. So I thought I would just note some thoughts of this day. Just keeping it light…
I have a flood of thoughts of what I could say about life without Mary. July 11th will be one year since she’s been gone. I wouldn’t know where to start or how to end it. Life has changed. A lot has changed. It’s still foggy at times. The girl I fell in love with and spent the biggest part of my life with is gone and I won’t see her again until I die. Until then, I smile and sometimes feel sad when I look at pictures or think of a time past together, because they hold memories and it hurts because it all ended…When she got diagnosed with cancer, she said she wasn’t gonna let that steal her joy. And she didn’t. I believe she wouldn’t want the sorrow of losing her to steal my joy. She would want me to focus on the joyful.
I’m still learning exactly what it is that I’m supposed to do. I think this is just a trial and error kinda thing. I’m a single Dad. Never thought I’d say that…lol I have a newfound respect for single parents. My situations’ a bit different being a little older. I mean, it’s not like I’m young, single, and getting up heading into work and making sure the kids get dropped off at school and picked up on time and everything that comes along in that lifestyle. I’ve seen it from the outside and believe single parents need a special day of recognition too! Not for glory or to encourage that lifestyle, but to honor and recognize the work that goes into it. No, I’m a “silver” single dad..lol.. with a 24 year old autistic and high functioning (Aspergers) girl that is the coolest ever! We make it work because that’s my assignment, and hers too evidently. I watch her grow and become so independent in certain areas and she causes me to grow in my heart and spiritually too watching how God uses her to teach me. She’s incredible.
Will I ever date again? I did briefly. Will I ever marry again? Who knows? Only God knows. I do know a girl that’s a really good friend I have known for a while. We talk and encourage each other with sound advice trying our best to make it through this season of life. We enjoy our conversations and humor. We are like an anchor and an airplane. And that’s ok.. Maybe one day I’ll try a few dating sites and see what happens. That would be a trip..lol I do know some who have had success and have actually met on-line.
I really intend to concentrate on looking into a ministry while I juggle my life’s interest. I don’t think I could focus on the ministry like I wanted because I needed rest from grief before I walked the trail. I told a friend that I understood I needed to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick, and to Go and preach the gospel baptizing those who believe, but at the same time I feel like there is a certain ministry I may be gifted in that I need to put to use. I’m praying about that as I try to keep my eyes and ears open and watch for anything that God may be setting in front of me. So I’m trying to be diligent in my search.
This 4th of July was quiet. Last year all of the kids were here surrounding Mary. Spending time with her and each other during her final days. Katie and I chilled for the most part today. I headed out to a county church to check out the 4th celebration festivities. Katie wanted no part..lol Slides, ball games, food, and fireworks that evening. Well, somebody didn’t look to see what time it started. (me) I thought it was all day…lol. I got there at 1:45 and no one, and I mean no one was there…lol. I saw a prepared ball field, blow up slides, and a roped off area and some buses, but no people. I needed some shoes and a 20% on the 4th sounded good..so off I went. Yesterday I had bought some bbq ribs and the fixins and had that at lunch. About 5:00 PM Katie and I cooked pizza, then had Ice cream for dessert! Chocolate ..Then we watched Detective Conan 1-1/2 hour special that had a plot twist that I didn’t even expect!!…lol It was all good. We enjoyed our day. It wasn’t sunny beach spectacular, but it doesn’t have to be. We enjoyed each other’s company. When it was dark we wore our celebration head lights that she bought for our July 4th 2024 picture. We are blessed. God bless America. There is always hope. Hope in Christ.
Broadcasting Hope 