I miss my wife and I often think about what we’re missing together. It’s the simple things that get my attention. I play my guitar often. One day I was playing and looked out the back door onto the screened porch. I looked at the swing and thought about her. The swing was empty except for a pillow Katie had placed there. The weather was perfect. Leaves were falling from the pecan trees. Fall was in the air. The sunshine was filtering in through the tree limbs. The temperature was perfect for sitting out there. I could almost hear her saying plain as day, “If it would just stay like this all the time it wouldn’t bother me one bit.” It’s all I’ve got left now. I sat in the swing another nice day, I cried and I smiled, telling her that this is nice, but I bet it’s nicer where she was.

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could talk to her again. One day while cleaning up the kitchen after dinner and wiping down the counter, I remembered how I would always ask her if she was ready for a cup of coffee. Katie is always asking me if I need anything. We would always ask Mary that, so she’s followed that example and habit. I wish I could tell her how well Katie is taking care of herself and how winter will be here soon. She never liked cold weather, but she was prepared with her flannels, sweat shirts, and sweaters. I wish I could tell her a million things. I know I can’t; and I sure can’t stay in the past. I have to look out the front, not the rear view mirror. The memories however, will always be near me.

Katie has two Build a Bear characters that her Aunt got her. What is even more special is you can call the company and record a message on them while they are being made prior to them shipping to your home. Katie wanted a specific message recorded from Mary for these and that’s what she did. She even took one to Mary’s memorial service for anyone to hold and listen if they needed some comforting. She is a real angel. I also have four other separate recordings we made on my phone. It’s recordings that Mary made knowing she wasn’t going to be here much longer. We went into the bedroom and sat on the bed and recorded them. We made these while she was strong enough and still had her voice . They are for Katie. Good night, Birthday, Christmas, and New Year. Little messages to comfort her when the time comes. Don’t think for a minute I haven’t listened to each one a few times. I have. Recording those was tough for us both. Mary did good to get through those recordings. You can hear it in her voice how heart broken she was, having to leave these messages knowing she would die soon. I wiped my eyes, and we held each other afterwards, and told her how much I loved her. She offered one for me. I said I’ll have you in my heart. Sometimes I wish that I would have said yes, but I’m not sure it would have made any difference. I can still hear her voice. The recordings are there if I decide to listen. I highly encourage everyone to record a message…